There is some debate about what exactly a pastor’s wife’s roles and responsibilities within a ministry should be. The one consistency through all arguments is the idea of achieving balance. For example, here’s how ask.com summarizes it:
“The wife does not do the work of the pastor, but the pastor and his wife are a team who are yoked together to do God's work. Too few recognize the reality of this and want to put the pastor's wife in a box and relegate her to keeping the home fires burning and prayer support for her husband. That certainly is her responsibility, but quite often the pastor's wife has gifts that can and should be used in the ministry. On the other hand, there are women whose husbands are pastors and they see it as ‘his’ ministry and do not enter in to the work in any way. There should be a good balance between these two ideas with the goal of bringing glory to God in all things.”
Pastor’s wives often face the dilemma of being made to feel like they must do more and be more than a typical congregant. Pastorswives.org hosted a Q&A on this very topic and many participants stressed the importance of not feeling obligated to achieve some level of extraordinary faith. Here’s one response that addresses this:
I view my role in the church as a church member and Christian. The things I do at the church and volunteer for are the same things I did/would do at a church where I'm not the pastor's wife. I also am a wife to my husband and support him in his ministry and in our marriage - just like any married couple should. –HappyHoo
Other pastor’s wives express the importance of being in a partnership with their husband and pastor.
I feel like I am to be a help-mate for my husband in his role as pastor. I feel like God has called us as a couple to be examples for the younger couples, and to minister together. We feel like we are in it together even though I am not on the church's payroll. -DD